


Utter Misery and Vine Refrences, more commonly known as; Friday Night

by floralhearts



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt Loki, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Refrenced Torture, Loki Whump, Manipulation, young loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2019-10-13 17:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17492180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floralhearts/pseuds/floralhearts
Summary: The Allfather had always been... creative with his punishments.Whether it was being whipped or poisoned, even having his lips sewn shut, Loki had always told himself he could bear it.But being stripped of his magic and sent to live with the Avengers? Nowthatwas cruel.





	1. this bitch bleeding - YEET

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello everyone !
> 
> if you're coming from the previous version of this fic, welcome back! i'm so glad you've decided to read this shit-show all over again
> 
> if you're new, also welcome! i'm glad you decided to click on this fic hehe

It was a Thursday.

Tony had reason to believe all bad things happened on Thursdays. _“Thursdays? More like cursed-days!”_ He had joked once, but he had been alone in his workshop, and no one was there to laugh. Although Dum-e did squeak and creak his joints at the jest.

But that was beside the point. 

_The point,_ was that is was a Thursday. And Tony _knew_ something bad was bound to happen. 

No, not bad like he spilt his coffee, and no, not bad like one of his teammates broke something again. No. Something _bad_.

He guessed he shouldn’t have been surprised when Thor showed up on their doorstep with none other than his evil little brother.

Yes, that’s right, Loki. Better known as; the psychotic god who tried to enslave their entire race.

There was no warning from Thor. No “Hey I’m just gonna pop in with my convicted murderer brother” or a “What’s up let me just bring a crazy god into your house!”, no. Nothing.

Tony’s hair was going to start greying soon, he just knew it.

Thor was adorned in his normal attire. Well, as normal as Asgardian wear got. Despite literally holding a chain attached to his brother’s handcuffs, he seemed joyous as ever.

Loki however, did not. His hair was unkempt, fluffy and wild, quite different than when they’d last seen him. His eyes were hollowed in and it looked as if someone had deliberately painted dark circles under them. Maybe he was just that tired. Unlike his brother, Loki wasn’t wearing armour. All that he had on was a green shirt and some everyday pants. His cheeks were sunken in and his wrists were bony. His eyes were a dull almost colourless green, much unlike the piercing blue they had been during his last… visit.

So, yes, he looked horrible.

And for some reason, that didn’t make them as happy as they thought it would.

“Uh, Thor?” Tony started, confused and a bit unnerved. “What’s uh, _he_ doing here?” And he tried not to sound too venomous when he said it, because god, he really didn’t need to lose his temper right then.

If Thor’s high spirited mood shifted at all, it was only for a second. The light in his eyes died out momentarily before sparking up anew. 

“Do you remember what I told you before I left?”

“Uh yeah, something about your dad deciding a punishment for Loki.” The inventor replied, “...I think.”

Thor chuckled, although it was more of a humoured exhale than anything else. “It seems he has finally decided on one.” He didn’t bother mentioning the fact that it had been his own idea that he begged the Allfather into enforcing. 

“And that is.”

“Loki will remain here with you.”

All five of the Avengers looked at least slightly taken aback at that.

“He’ll _what_?” 

Thor, if possible, smiled even larger. Which, at that point, had become rather unnerving, given the nature of the event. 

“I know it sounds absurd,” He admitted, “But there is logic in the Allfathers’ ruling.” 

Tony was beginning to question that more and more.

“Thor bud, do you mind explaining to us why your dad decided _this_ was the best idea?” 

Surprisingly enough, Loki hadn’t spoken. Hadn’t even grinned. Or made any facial expression really. His face was blank as he stared at them. One might’ve expected him to revel in the chaos created by just the mere thought of him moving residencies, but he didn’t. He remained stoic, and the Avengers couldn’t decide which option was worse.

“Loki invaded your home, I think that much is obvious, but you were the ones who stopped him. The ones who saved your planet and conquered him. The Allfather deemed it fit for you to keep your prison- er, enemy.” Loki’s eyes narrowed only slightly at the way Thor refused to call him a prisoner. He was, wasn’t he? A prisoner. 

“Keep him?” Steve repeated. 

“Thor, it’s a really nice… gesture.” Tony paused, unsure of how to word the situation they were in, “But we don’t have any containment cells or anything.”

Thors’ smile remained, but his eyes looked to tire at the inventor’s words. Before he could utter another word, Natasha spoke up.

“What happens if we refuse? To him, I mean.”

Thor looked back at his brother. Loki matched the stare with blank eyes, not letting his emotions, if he even had any buried in there, betray his act of apathy.

“Then he’ll be sent to live with the next possible candidates.”

“Who are?”

“S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

“Oh.”

Tony’s confidence wavered at that. As did everyone else’s. 

To give a convicted war criminal to Shield was the same as giving a dog a new chew toy. There was nothing they could do to him that could be categorized as “too far”.

“Do you mind if we take a second?” Bruce asked, already corralling his teammates into the corner.

“No no, go ahead.” Thor replied, and then turned to his brother, mumbling something that only Loki could hear.

Further away, the Avengers, minus Thor of course, conversed.

“We have to take him.”

“ _What?_ ” 

“Bruce,” Natasha started, “We can’t just _take him_. There are rules and regulations.”

“I’m not giving him to shield.” Bruce said, and it was evident in his tone that his stance would not change. “I don’t care how bad he is i’m not letting them do vivisections on him for the next three thousand years.” 

Everyone knew Shield and their experiments were a touchy subject for the scientist. While they weren’t on board with the idea, they could understand where he was coming from.

“Bruce…” 

“You know what?” Tony quipped, placing a hand on Bruce’s shoulder, “You’re right bud.”

He continued before anyone could interrupt.

“Look at Thor you guys.” They all turned to look at the god. “We can’t do this to him, we can’t just say no. You guys know he loves his brother. Still. After _everything_ he’s done. I don’t want to be the guy that sends Loki away to be- what did you say? Vivisection?”

“It’s a dissection without the die.” Bruce mumbled.

Tony looked at the rest of them, “You wanna be the ones to tell Thor we’re going to let his little brother be vivi...sected…? Because I sure as hell don’t.” 

“That’s not a good enough excuse.” Natasha butted in. Steve nodded.

“You said it yourself Tony; we don’t have anywhere to keep him.” 

“So we’ll figure it out!” The billionaire tried to reason, sounding more enthusiastic than he should have. “We’ve done crazier shit!”

“ _We can’t just harbour a war criminal!_ ”

“Except we can and we will.” 

“Tony…” Natasha warns, voice dangerously low.

Tony and Natasha normally agreed on things, despite what people may think, so it was strange to see them both so passionate about different sides of an argument. It was unsettling to be honest.

“Clint?” Bruce called, staring almost worriedly at the archer. He hadn’t spoken at all. Which, given the circumstances was both understandable and not. “What do you think?” The scientist questioned. Because as sure as he was of his decision, everyone deserved to give their ten cents.

Clint didn’t even bother looking at them, he was staring at Loki. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t an angry stare. It wasn’t not angry either. It was… strange.

“I’m indifferent. Do what you want.” He replied gruffly. Both Natasha and Steve deflated slightly. They thought Clint would back them up for sure.

“Come on guys,” Tony pleaded, “for Thor?”

Steve looked at the inventor, trying to figure out just how he could be okay with it. His expression wavered. 

Grudgingly, he let out an exhausted sigh, and turned around. 

“I have some questions.” 

Steve could practically feel Tony’s triumphant grin behind him. It almost made him want to change his mind once more.

The worst part was that he couldn’t understand _why_ Tony was so passionate about this. Minutes before, he had been just as against it as him and Natasha. And then he had just… changed his mind.

Steve was convinced Tony Stark was the most confusing man on earth. 

“Yes, I figured as much.” Thor nodded. “Ask as many as you need. As long as they’re relevant to our discussion.” 

“Say we did take him… and I’m not saying we will,” Steve warned, he couldn’t give Thor any false hope. “What’s to say he won’t just go crazy and kill us? It’s not like we’ve got anywhere to lock him up.” 

Thor’s confidence didn’t waver. His eyes flicked down to the cuffs around Loki’s wrists and he made a gesture towards them. “These have been enchanted by Odin himself, there is no way they will break. They’ll keep Loki’s magic at bay for as long as they’re on.” He told them. 

Right so when you say ‘at bay’...” Tony started, brow furrowed slightly, “You mean what? Sort of low or no magic at all?”

“None.” 

Everyone turned to Loki as he bit out the one word sentence. His eyes were dark and bitter.

“No offense uh… Loki but I want to hear it from Thor. Not you.” 

Loki didn’t react to the statement, his angered look didn’t shift at all. 

“Loki’s right,” Thor nodded, “He can’t even levitate a spoon anymore.” The thunderer supplied and Lou scowled. He mumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

“You’ve got uh, super strength right? Do the cuffs get rid of that too?”

“Yes…” Thor looked over worriedly at his brother, Loki looked as though he wanted to melt into nothingness right then and there. 

“And if he decides to attack us anyways?” 

“Once detaining him, the consequences are up to you.” The golden prince explained. Tony nodded skeptically.

“Detaining?”

“I have no doubt that if all of you were to fight Loki, without tricks or magic, you would surely win.” Thor told them plainly, “That being said, you must be wary of his mind. His powers are diminished, his trickery and intelligence is not.” Thor had no problem warning them. He wasn’t overlooking or ignoring his friends’ strengths, he just wasn’t underestimating those of his brothers.

“Right… Got any other information we might find useful?”

A look passed over Thor’s face as he tried to think.

“Oh, I do actually. Can’t believe I almost forgot.” He shook his head. “Loki is binded by another powerful magic. It forces him to tell the truth, no matter what circumstance.” 

Loki growled at that, albeit only slightly.

“What? Don’t like not being able to lie?” Tony teased. Loki only narrowed his eyes, obviously trying to refrain from snapping at the inventor.

Steve knew immediately that Tony would be the death of them all.

 _Loki’s gonna kill us all,_ he thought with a resigned tone, even inside his head. _he’s gonna kill us all and it’s gonna be Tony first._

“So he without a doubt can’t lie?” Natasha cut in, thankfully being the only one not getting sidetracked.

“That’s right.” Thor nodded.

A moment of silent passed over them. Most of it was spent with the Avengers born of earth analysing Loki. 

“...Alright.” Steve decided finally.

If Tony could have captured the look on Thor’s face and put a little bit of it in his coffee each morning, he would have. The light in his eyes was priceless.

“I can’t explain how much this means to me,” He grinned even wider, “thank you my friends. I know it’s hard to understand just why, but… thank you.” He repeated.

The Avengers couldn’t deny, it felt good to see the appreciation in their friends’ eyes. 

They just hoped they could uphold this ‘deal’ they’d made.

Thor left in a hurry, and they felt beyond overwhelmed, some of them already regretting their decision.  
—————

“This,” Tony said, gesturing to a plain metal door, “Is your room.”

Loki looked the door up and down, and then to Tony. The inventor couldn’t tell whether he was angry, unimpressed, or that was just his face.

“...And there’s a keypad here. It’s void right now — Which means anyone can enter.” He explained further, not knowing what Loki understood and what he didn’t.

“You don’t have the option of choosing a password though so I wouldn’t worry about that.” 

Loki raised a brow.

“Sucks right? Maybe next time _don’t_ invade my planet, and you won’t have to worry about not getting to pick your own super secret superhero password.” 

Even though Tony thought he was pretty funny, the god of mischief did _not_ look amused.

They entered the room without another word.

Loki looked around, face blank. The room, matched his expression. It was dark, the drapes keeping sunlight from filtering in and the bit that _did_ get in wasn’t much.

There was a queen sized bed, headboard pushed up against the wall and a dark cedar nightstand on the left. A bathroom to the right and a dresser under the window.

The trickster wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. 

“Yeah we don’t have any cells, so this is where you’ll be staying because I’m not going to build one just for you Mr. Diva.”

Loki’s eye twitched.

—————

If he was being completely honest, and it wasn’t like he had a choice, Loki had no idea what to do with himself.

He had sat on the floor, back up against the wall and stared into space for at least forty minutes after Stark left. If said inventor had cameras in the room, and Loki was sure he did, he most likely looked like a madman. But he didn’t exactly care.

He was _tired._ He didn’t feel safe enough to sleep. Not even enough to set foot near the bed. He wanted to rest more than anything, but he couldn’t. He had to stay awake. 

His body was weak. His hands shook and his eyelids were almost halfway closed. His heart hammered in his chest despite having been sitting still for almost an hour. He felt ill and in all honesty, he felt like crying.

He was living with the Avengers. He was in Avengers tower. Trapped.

_TrappedTrappedTrappedTrappedTrappedTrap-_

_NotAgainNotAgainNotAgainNotAgain_

The very people who had beaten him down to nothing were in control of his entire life. Every decision he made, they made for him.

They were in control.

Not him.

He just wanted _control_.

“Sir?” A voice called, seemingly from the ceiling. Loki’s head snapped up, brow furrowing.

“Who said that?” He demanded.

“I did.” The voice quipped back. Loki pursed his lips. No one had informed him that a spirit resided in his quarters. Though, he was rather sure they hadn’t informed him of many things.

“You may as well show yourself…” He muttered. 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that sir, I don’t have any form of my own.” 

Loki quirked his lips upwards slightly, biting his tongue. A spirit without an astral form… they were very rare. He wondered how Stark had gotten one of his own.

“Sir?” Loki repeated, not quite understanding.

“I was created for many purposes, and one of those, is to serve the residents of this tower. Which you now qualify as.” 

“And your name is?”

“Jarvis, sir.”

“Interesting…” 

A moment of silence passed, before Jarvis spoke once more.

“Mr Stark has requested your presence in the dining room, sir.” 

Loki didn’t know if he could deal with that.

———————

He stepped into the dining room.

And then immediately stepped out.

It was loud. Too loud. People were talking, dishes were knocking together, cutlery was scraping, chairs were creaking, shoes were hitting the ground, the oven was going off, laughter was ringing throughout the entire room and down the hall, water, for whatever reason, was running, and it was all _too much._

There were a million other sounds but Loki couldn’t bear to name them all. His head was pounding. The noise swirled together into a large cancerous mass, infecting his brain and clouding his thoughts.

He was used to the quiet. His cell on Asgard was _quiet._ The last time it had been that loud was…

_People were laughing._

_No, not people. Monsters._

_The Black Order. All of them. Laughing._

_Everything hurt. Every last bit of him hurt. HurtHurtHurtHurtHurtHurt._

_He was crying. Screaming even. But it didn’t matter to them. They just kept on laughing. Laughing and Hurting._

_StopStopStopStopStopStopStop-_

“-ki? Loki?” 

His head snapped up, noticing everyone was now staring at him. He felt the tears welling in his eyes and cursed silently as he realized one had already fallen down his cheek. He noticed suddenly that his breaths were short and uneven, he was on the verge of hyperventilating.

Everyone’s eyes were on him. The only good thing about that was that the noise had stopped. He could breathe again, albeit not well. 

“You uh… want to come sit down?” Tony gestured weakly to a chair. Loki swallowed thickly. His eyes darted back and forth, sweeping across the room. He nodded without a word and walked over. 

He swore angrily as he sat. His hands wouldn’t stop _shaking._

_Mother would throw me to the wolves if she heard me curse like that._

A wave of melancholy flooded over him at the abstract thought of his mother. His features softened and his eyes creased, heart twisting. 

He missed her dearly. Each day spent without her, was another day of agony, of heart wrenching torture. No matter how melodramatic that sounded, it was true. 

In all his time spent… there, she became his last strand of sanity. Odin had never been one, even before Loki was aware of his heritage, and Thor, well Loki had lost all hope in Thor. He wasn’t sure when, but it had happened. At some point he had just lost faith in Thor rescuing him, and then, in the thought of Thor even missing him. 

_It’s better to convince yourself you don’t love someone than to drown in the sorrow of knowing they don’t love you._

But Frigga. Loki had never lost hope in her. No matter what happened, he believed in her and the love she had for him. It was stupid, he was aware, but she had always been there for him. Odin might have never been his father, but Frigga would _always_ be his mother.

“Loki!” 

He was torn away from his thoughts at the cry of his name. He turned his head up, eyes wide. 

“God you really have a knack for zoning out huh?” 

Loki didn’t answer.

The Avengers looked a little unnerved at his silence, but Loki didn’t exactly know why. What was he supposed to say to ‘you sure have a knack for zoning out huh’? What did that even _mean?_

“Right well,” Steve paused, looking over at Tony. “There’s no point sitting around.”

He turned to Loki, they all did.

“We’ve decided on a couple rules. Each of the one’s I’m going to list are mandatory. They must be obeyed, and any resistance and or defiance will be met with — punishment?” Steve’s eyebrows knitted together. He looked torn. “Guys I cant say this… It makes it sound like we _own_ him.”

“Well we don’t exactly _not_ own him…”

“ _Don’t say that!_ ” The captain hissed in a loud whisper. Bruce put his head in his hands while Natasha took a deep breath. Tony tried to stifle a laugh.

God, how Loki wanted it all to be over.

“Go on,” He urged, “If you aren’t too er- busy, I mean. I’d rather finish this.”

“What so you can go back to sitting on the floor and staring at the wall?” 

Loki winced.

“What the hell is up with that anyways?”

“Boys.” Natasha’s voice cut through the room, silencing them all. “The rules.” She looked over expectantly at Steve.

“Oh, right.” Steve looked down at the Starkpad in his hands, which Loki was surprised he even knew how to use, “Uh, here we go. There will be no locked doors. Anywhere you go in this tower, the doors stay unlocked.”

Loki thought that was rather idiotic. They were superheroes. Couldn’t they just… break the door? 

“You will not leave the tower. Under any circumstance.”

He wanted to laugh at that. Of course he couldn’t leave, he was a prisoner.

“You will join us at every meal.”

He had to suppress a groan. Just one meal was torture enough.

“Any violence and or insult towards any of us will result in… punishment…”

So, in other words, respect your captor or face the consequences. He could do that, he’d done it for long enough.

“You’re allowed to bring things into your room but they can’t be something that could be used as a weapon or turned _into_ a weapon.”

_Anything can be a weapon if you try hard enough._

The rules went on for a small bit longer, and Loki was beyond grateful when they ended. 

All of them went back to eating afterwards. Like everything was normal, and like he wasn’t even there. 

Loki stilled when his eyes met those of the archer. Clint Barton was staring directly at him, and not trying to hide it either. His stare was blank and void of emotion, and it made Loki beyond uncomfortable. Like he was on display. He tried to look away, but the sensation of being watched was ever present.

He tried to distract himself. Looking down at the plate made for him, he felt his curiosity peak. It was a strange grain like substance, but the grains had been softened. There were bits of other things mixed in and a reddish tinge to the whole meal.

“It’s seafood paella, not poison.” Natasha commented when she saw him staring at it. 

“Poison? Who’s getting poisoned?” Bruce asked, mouth full.

“No one, he’s just being paranoid. Thinks we’re gonna poison him.” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” He muttered annoyedly. Everyone looked over at him.

_shit._

Loki wasn’t used to people actually listening to him. Back on Asgard he was the trickster, the silvertongue. ‘Don’t listen to him, he’ll trick you into whatever he desires’. He could have quite literally stood on one of the tables in the grand hall during a feast and screamed bloody murder at the top of his lungs and no one would notice. That was just how it was. 

But here, these people trusted him even less. So much so that they found it necessary to hang onto every word he said. 

“What?” 

“Nothing nothing, just talking to myself.” He mumbled, trying to avoid their gazes. 

“You’ve been poisoned before?”

_No. ___

__“Yes.” His eyes widened at the statement. He’d forgotten, he couldn’t lie. Gods, he felt beyond vulnerable. His lies were his last line of defence… and they were gone._ _

__“How?”_ _

__Loki really wanted to say nothing. He really wished he had said nothing. But, in the end, that wasn’t up to him._ _

__A wisp of silver cascaded over his mouth,_ _

__“There have been multiple occasions. The first time I was _deliberately_ poisoned was by my mother’s father. I suppose you could call him my grandfather, but that gives the illusion that we are related. I had visited his realm in hopes of making a trade of resources. Asgard’s gold for their medicinal herbs.” _ _

__Loki’s eyes widened as he spoke. He tried almost desperately to stop but it was no use._ _

__“I woke up in a cell, with my ‘grandfather’ standing outside of it. You see, what Odin had failed to tell me was that Vanaheim and Asgard were in the middle of a war. I was tortured for years for information. Funnily enough I was punished upon my return for being captured in the first place.”_ _

__The Avengers could only listen, they couldn’t help but notice the look of peril on Loki’s face._ _

__“The second time, well I wasn’t exactly _poisoned._ Although it did involve venom. It was just after my family had been slaughtered. I spent centuries tied to the ground in a cave as a giant serpent dripped it’s venom into my eyes-”_ _

__“That’s enough.” Steve barked out. His steady tone betrayed the conflicted look in his eyes._ _

__Loki’s mouth snapped shut. He looked beyond furious. His teeth were clenched, glaring intensely at all of them._ _

__“I think I’ll go back to my cell- quarters now.” He said calmly, but his voice quivered and unshed tears of rage and desperation glistened in his eyes. His hands shook with rage as he stood and walked out the door, stiff as a board._ _

__“Oh.” Tony said plainly long after the god had departed._ _

__There was a deafening silence after that, and everyone looked conflicted._ _

__“Okay wait you guys,” The inventor started, “Before you start getting all ‘oh loki maybe you’re just misunderstood’,” He mimicked in a high pitched voice._ _

__Steve and Natasha rolled their eyes._ _

__“All of us have been through shit too, right? We’ve been through _tons_ of shit!” He waved his hands up and down enthusiastically, “And did we invade a planet and kill thousands? _No._ We were the people that stopped that shit! Sure, I sympathize with the guy, from what I heard it couldn’t have been fun, but at the end of the day, he reacted to his pain by killing people, we reacted by _saving_ them.”_ _

__Silence. The four remaining Avengers looked to be in thought._ _

__Bruce replied to his statement first;_ _

__“That was… actually really insightful Tony.”_ _

__Natasha smiled and nodded, which was a rather large approval from her. Steve clapped him on the shoulder, which Tony interpreted as approval from the 40’s. So, he’d take it._ _

__The archer however, said nothing. He hadn’t said anything the entire night._ _

__Clint stayed in the dining room long after everyone had left, lights off and staring down at the table._ _

__Something wasn’t right._ _

__———_ _

__Loki slammed the door shut, trying to take deep breaths but failing miserably._ _

__His shaky hands reached for the lockpad but hesitated. He couldn’t. Damn._ _

__Back against the door now, he slid into a sitting position._ _

__His tremmoring hands reached deep into his hair and latched on tight, very tight. Pulling at his hair now, he let out something akin to a strangled sob. He tried to choke it back but to no avail._ _

__Both hands loosed, pulling away from his head so that he could use them to cover his mouth, biting his tongue so hard it drew blood._ _

__He couldn’t breathe again. But it was so much worse than before. His entire chest was heaving, trying desperately to get any air._ _

___need to breathe_ _ _

__Loki couldn’t believe that had happened. That the Allfather’s spell had made such a _fool_ out of him. _ _

__Why hadn’t he just died like he planned_ _

__Why were the three fates so intent on ruining every last bit of sanity and dignity he had_ _

__Why did everyone and everything hate him_ _

__Why was he so _alone__ _

___**need to breathe** _ _ _

__This time, Loki couldn’t even try to conceal the sob that broke free. Tears that had threatened to spill at the table were now pouring freely._ _

__Nothing was okay. Nothing had ever been okay. Any semblance to happiness had simply been an illusion. His whole life, an illusion._ _

__He choked out something in between a sob and a laugh at that. How ironic._ _

__Nothing had ever been okay but now he had time to process it. Nothing had ever been okay and nothing would ever be okay. Ever._ _

__This was it; Rock Bottom at its finest. Loneliness and utter misery, how else would someone prefer to spend their days?_ _

__God, he still _couldn’t breathe.__ _

__Panicking further, Loki clenched his fists tight, trying to calm his breathing._ _

__Closing his eyes, he tried to remember what Frigga had taught him._ _

__In. 1, 2, 3, 4,_ _

__Hold. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7_ _

__Out. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8_ _

__Again._ _

__Again._ _

___Again._ _ _

__Finally, after what felt like centuries, he could breathe again._ _

__It wasn’t much, and he still felt a pressure on his windpipe, but it was better._ _

__Loki felt a stickiness on his hands and held them up to his face. They were absolutely covered in blood, crescent shaped indents were imprinted in his hands. Obviously, the work of his nails._ _

__“Oh.” He stated dumbly._ _

__He was interrupted, and definitely _not_ startled by a knocking at the door. _ _

__Composing himself slightly, well, as much as he could after _that,_ he stood and walked over to the door._ _

__Remembering the door wasn’t locked, Loki thought it was rather courteous of whoever that was to knock._ _

___No, it’s simply decency. Do not appraise them for something so basic as knocking._ _ _

__Loki opened the door to see a tired looking Stark standing in the hallway._ _

__He poked his head out into the hall, looking to the left and right, and then to the man in front of him._ _

__“May I help you?” He questioned dryly. He knew his hoarse voice and his swelling red eyes gave away his act of apathy, but he’d continue it until confronted._ _

__“Jarvis said you were ‘in distress’.” Tony said the last part as if he didn’t completely believe it, which Loki was sure he didn’t._ _

__“Well, your spirit is wrong I’m completely fine so you can just go now.” The god replied gruffly, waving the inventor away and trying to close the door._ _

__“Yeah, no.” Tony said, shoving his foot in between the door and it’s frame. “Jarvis woke me up at three in the morning so you better hope you aren’t ‘fine’.”_ _

__Loki looked at Tony momentarily before looking back to the alarm clock on his nightstand. The numbers blared ‘3:12’ in bold red. Oh._ _

__Loki turned back to the inventor, eyes no more concerned than when he had looked away. “Well I’m afraid to tell you that he did. I. Am. Fine.” Loki’s hands were gripping the door tightly, mostly to prevent Tony from pushing his way in._ _

__“What the hell is that?”_ _

__Confusion gripped the god. He furrowed his brow looking at Stark to try and see what he was so excited about. Following his line of vision, he froze._ _

__Not only were his hands gripping the door, but they had smeared blood all over it._ _

__“God damn,” Tony sighed, “did you kill someone already?”_ _

__Loki’s surprise had caused his grip to slacken, so when the billionaire went to push the door open, he wasn’t ready to push back._ _

__Next thing he knew Tony Stark was standing in his cell. Or ‘room’ if you’d prefer to lie to yourself._ _

__“I did not _kill anyone_ ,” Loki sneered, already turning away. _ _

__But Tony grabbed his shoulder, preventing him from getting any farther. It was pathetic, he knew, but the action caused Loki to freeze. His whole body tensed._ _

__Surprisingly enough, Stark let him go the second he felt him seize up._ _

__“Okay, okay,” He shrugged, “No touching, it’s whatever.”_ _

__Loki remained paused for a second, craning his neck so he could eye Tony warily._ _

__“Okay, so if you didn’t kill anyone, not that I believe you, show me your hands.”_ _

__Loki grit his teeth, but turned nevertheless. He held out his palms like it physically pained him._ _

__Angry bloody marks screamed at the inventor, and while he didn’t say anything, Tony had never seen someone’s nails do so much damage._ _

__The cuts went in _deep._ And there was blood _everywhere._ _ _

__“I’ll uh… be right back,” Tony mumbled before scurrying off. Loki rolled his eyes, sitting down on the bed._ _

__When Tony returned, it was with a little medi kit and an air of unease. He cautiously stalked over to Loki, eyeing the god’s hands._ _

__“I don’t know if you know how to use this but-”_ _

__He was interrupted as Loki snatched the kit from his hands._ _

__“Of course I know how to wrap something as simple as a flesh wound,” He snarked, and Tony frowned. He watched Loki prepare the instruments before intervening._ _

__“Yeah but you’re gonna get blood all over the kit and I don’t know if you know this, but medical supplies is supposed to stay sanitary.”_ _

__“Just- Just let me do it.” He grumbled finally, grabbing the gauze out of Loki’s hands. The god looked as though he wanted to protest, but said nothing._ _

__“This doesn’t mean I like you,” He muttered as he readied the disinfectant._ _

__“I’m aware,” Loki replied dryly, continuing to glare at the scientist._ _

__Tony dipped the cotton ball in the alcohol and looked to the wounds. “This might sting a little.” He warned, before cleaning out the cuts best he could._ _

__It was almost unnerving how Loki didn’t so much as react to it. The cold cotton touching his hands didn’t seem to affect him whatsoever._ _

__Tony grabbed the roll of gauze and began to unfurl it. He grabbed Loki’s hand—_ _

__Loki instantly snatched it back. Eyes wide and horrified._ _

__He hadn’t touched someone in years._ _

__Well… excluding… _Them.__ _

__It felt so unnatural, Tony’s hand grabbing his. He didn’t know how to react to the sensation._ _

__Stark’s expression remained stony, but he looked into Loki’s panicked eyes momentarily._ _

__Tony held his hand out. “Whenever you’re ready.” He said._ _

__Loki couldn’t believe that he was legitimately in this situation. His heart hammered in his chest and he felt so _humiliated._ _ _

__Here he was, being a complete child, in front of his captor._ _

__Stark was going to throw him to the wolves._ _

__Taking a deep breath, Loki placed the back of his hands in Tony’s, palms up. It took everything he had not to flinch at the contact._ _

__The inventor didn’t say a word, but Loki noticed how gentle his touch was._ _

__“Listen,” Tony started after a long bout of silence. “I’m- _we’re_ sorry about… tonight.”_ _

__Loki bristled._ _

__“Even if we didn’t mean to we kind of, took advantage of the ‘no lies’ thing. This doesn’t mean we’re all buddy buddy but uh, we didn’t mean to make you… do that.”_ _

__The god stared at Tony with narrowed eyes and a clenched jaw._ _

__“...Very well.” He replied after some time, “I appreciate the… sentiment.”_ _

__Tony let out a humoured exhale as he closed the medical kit. “You’re still a bitch who killed people you know, this doesn’t make everything all good just because you had a panic attack.”_ _

__“Panic attack?” Loki’s brow furrowed, and Tony turned to him._ _

__“Was that your first one?”_ _

__Loki shook his head, “I just… wasn’t aware there was a word for it. On Asgard it’s just overreacting.” He joked, but Tony looked slightly upset._ _

__“Really?”_ _

__The trickster bit his lip subconsciously, “yes.”_ _

__“That’s stupid,” The inventor decided, and Loki had to hold back a laugh._ _

__“I suppose…”_ _

__They sat in silence for a few minutes before Tony stood._ _

__“Right well I’m gonna go back to bed… Are your hands- you know, good?”_ _

__“Better than before.” Loki replied._ _

__Tony left without another word._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so it has begun! 
> 
> there were a couple parts of the original that didn't quite make it in to this, but it's only because I felt that it was an out of character moment, or that it just... didn't fit :')))))
> 
> hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter ! ilu guys :-)


	2. oh ma god... oh ma god he on mind control mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clint babey? u good?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG YALL ITS BEEN SO LOMG IM SORRY
> 
> i really went through a couple month period where i just wasn't writing at all and i can't confirm that i'm back for sure but you'll be very happy to know that _I updated all my ongoing marvel fics today!!!!_ that means the revengers, the hela, and the watch thor fic have all been updated along with this one!!
> 
> once again im so sorry for the wait but i hope y'all enjoy

Loki managed to get a good twenty minutes of sleep after Stark left. 

He awoke not much better than before, but he hadn’t exactly expected anything to improve. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

It was like there was an emptiness in his chest. He had the intense urge to get up, to be productive, to just do _something_ , but even blinking felt like a chore. It would be so _easy_ to just stand up. Sit up, even. But for some reason he just… couldn’t. 

So he continued to stare at the roof, eyes void of emotion and stomach pooling with dread. 

Bitterly, he thought back to the previous night. He was sure that things couldn’t have gone any worse than they already did. Not only had Odin’s spell made a fool of him, but he had acted like a complete infant in front of Stark. 

Odin would have been better off sentencing him to death.

xxx

It was only hours later, (8:23 in the morning) that Loki _finally_ found the ability to move. 

He sat up as hastily as possible which, yes, looking back at it was probably a bit ridiculous and dramatic, but he did _not_ want that feeling to return.

He sat upright for a few moments, staring into space. 

It was with a pit in his stomach and an internal groan, that Loki realized while he wanted to be productive, he didn’t actually want to _do_ anything. 

He let out a sigh, resisting the urge to flop back onto the bed.

_Think you fool, what did you do back in your cell?_

Waited.

And as stupid as that sounded, yes, that was all he had done. He had sat in that tiny cell, with arms bound and a _collar_ , as if he was some _animal_ , waiting for the wave of Odin’s hand, signalling his demise.

But Thor, that kind hearted trusting buffoon, had convinced the Allfather to take pity on him. And in that moment, Loki had felt like Thor’s mutt. A diseased animal the King wished to exterminate. The only thing keeping him from doing just that; Thor.

It wasn’t a father sparing his youngest, it was a father sparing his eldest. 

There was no concern for Loki from the Allfather, only disdain. 

And now he was here. In another cell, just a bit different. His arms were still shackled, his magic along with it.

He had tried many times to reach for his magic. Sometimes intentional and sometimes not. And each time he was granted with a mind numbing ache all across his body. Somehow that pain managed to reach even his astral force. His very being would writhe under the spell. 

Odin was truly cruel.

Loki looked over at the clock. Eight fifty nine. He felt as useless and disgusting as he had when he first arrived. Everything felt… wrong. Loki was never one for vague explanations, unless it was to coerce or confuse, but he truly couldn’t think of another way to describe how he felt.

Wrong.

Everything was wrong.

xxx

Clint Barton was acting strange. 

Which, if you took away the ‘acting’, could have just been a general assessment. The archer was known for his irregular sleeping pattern (along with Tony Stark, of course), his odd jokes and jibes only he seemed to understand, and a number of other things.

But it wasn’t a general assessment.

Clint Barton was _acting_ strange.

Much stranger than usual. And of course, one could have brushed it off with the excuse of the tower’s new… resident, but a towerful of trained superheroes knew to look past that. 

Clint Barton was acting strange and it wasn’t just because of Loki’s mere presence. It was more.

Loki had barely been in the tower for more than twenty four hours, and yet Clint had been acting strange.

And, yes, once again one _could_ brush it off, but the Avengers knew better.

Clint hated Loki. When he spoke of him it was with anger and malice. When he thought of him he tensed, whole body seizing up with a hate only those who had seen it could describe.

Clint Barton would do anything to keep himself away from Loki. But the day prior, he had done no such thing.

Both Natasha and Bruce had noticed that the second Clint’s eyes focused on the god of mischief, it was almost as if they had clouded over. 

There hadn’t even been a trace of anger, but there had been… confusion. 

Natasha and Bruce alike couldn’t understand why.

Ever since that moment, Clint had looked to be at war with himself. 

Apparently so much so that he hadn’t even remotely tried to anger or harass Loki.

In reality the Avengers probably _could_ have looked at things a little harder, tried to reason with themselves a little more, but to them, the answer was simple.

xxx

Nine seventeen.

Loki’s head snapped up as he heard the firm knocking at his door. 

He almost felt relief at the distraction from his thoughts, but he then remembered who resided in this tower and it all flooded away.

He stood stiffly, meandering his way over to the door, obviously in no hurry to answer. 

He peered through the slit to see none other than Stark and Rogers. Closing his eyes and taking a breath, he opened the door staring at them blankly.

“Yes?” 

“What’re you doing?” Rogers asked, blue eyes bearing into Loki’s. 

The question was rather inquisitive and Loki had to wonder what he had done to merit something of the sort.

“Well,” The god started dryly, “If you look through the footage of my ‘quarters’ this morning, you’ll see I’ve done nothing but sit up.”

“Is that against your rules?” He questioned slyly. Steve knew immediately what he was doing, Loki was baiting them, already trying to get a rise out of them. 

“Yeah you might not be doing anything down here,” Stark gestured vaguely to the space around them, “but what about up there?” Tony raised a finger to Loki’s forehead pointedly. Loki sniffed, tilting his chin up almost affrontedly.

“Thinking?” He replied dryly. “I know you aren’t familiar with the process Stark but please do try to be sympathetic, some of us have brains.” 

Tony narrowed his eyes and Steve had to take a step in front of him to assure the inventor wouldn’t do anything. 

Apparently, the both of them had had enough with the vague ineffective questioning.

“What did you do to Barton?” Tony demanded, and it was almost comical how you could barely see him behind Steve’s shoulder.

Loki’s brow furrowed, “What?”

“Ever since you’ve gotten here he’s been acting weird and-“ 

“And you think I’m responsible.” Loki interrupted. It wasn’t a question, he knew they held him accountable. 

“Well-“

“You believe I, without the sceptre or my magic, somehow regained ‘control’ over Barton?”

Steve took note of the way Loki said the word ‘control’. He swallowed.

Loki let out a low chuckle, proceeding to shut the door in their faces without another word.

xxx

Loki turned back to the room, staring at his surroundings with a defeatist attitude.

He pressed his back against the door, pushing the edges of his palms into his eyes. Tears of frustration pricked at his eyes.

He let out a groan and felt more tears come. These ones being brought on by the fact that he was crying in the first place. He shouldn’t let something as trivial as this get to him.

He knew he was the villain. The ruthless killer. He knew what he had done.

But it still hurt being the first suspect. It still hurt being looked at and knowing they thought you capable of nothing but evil.

_“Loki!”A small brunette cried, “Did you steal my sword!?”_

_The prince was sat upon a cobblestone fence, face buried in a rather large looking novel. His tiny hands gripped the huge paperback and his brows were drawn together in both fascination and concentration. He couldn’t have been more than eight._

_The royal guard horses of Asgard frolicked in the pasture behind him and the forest of Allanhol was directly in front of him. The long grass blew in the wind._

_When he heard the young girl’s affronted cry, he looked rather startled. His eyes widened, immediately rearing his head out of the book to look at her. His body tensed and his knuckles grew white as his grip around the cover tightened._

_“What?” He questioned, looking surprised. “Of course not,” He shook his head. The young girl only growled._

_“I know you did!” She gritted out. “You couldn’t keep your eyes off of it yesterday!”_

_Taking a deep breath, Loki shut his book, looking over at the fuming girl. “That’s because the sun was reflecting off of it and into my eyes.” He replied calmly._

_“Stop making excuses,” She told him angrily. Her fists were clenched at her side._

_Loki did sympathize with the girl, of course. It was very hard for a maiden to learn the art of battle. She was constantly having her things stolen and hidden from her. And Loki had seen the elder boys mocking her on at least two different occasions._

_Looking closer, he saw tears building in her eyes._

_“Sif,” He started, “I didn’t take it, but I’d be glad to help you look for-”_

_He was interrupted as Sif made a swift kick towards his leg. Swift but strong. Loki bit his tongue to avoid cursing at her. The book he had been reading slipped from his hands._

_“You’re lying!” She yelled at him, face red. “That’s all you ever do!”_

_Loki had no time to react as she stormed away, his hand was reaching out towards her but it faltered, falling finally back at his side._

_It was later that night they found her beloved sword in caught in the mudbank of the stream._

_Loki knew she had dropped it, and had no doubt she knew it as well._

_That didn’t stop her from insisting he had hid it there._

_Loki would never forget that night. Odin’s disappointment and disdain, which he didn’t even try to mask, as he scolded him. He remembered the Allfather’s furious screams at night. Over a mere sword._

_did you take it?_

_no._

_you’re lying!_

_No one was going to believe him whether he was telling the truth or not._

_you’re lying! **that’s all you ever do!**_

_that’sallyoueverdothat’sallyoueverdothat’sallyoueverdothat’sallyoueverdo_

__

He was a Liar.

Nothing more.

And now, stripped of his Lies;

He was Nothing.

Loki took a few deep breaths, shoving the tears back down, and praying to the norns they’d never resurface.

Once calmed, he looked over at the dresser, and then the window.

Slightly intrigued, he walked over to the glass and opened it wide, poking his head out slightly.

The busy bustle of New York greeted him. He breathed in the fresh air, grateful for the change. It had rained previously and the smell of wet pavement flooded his sinuses. The loud rush of cars and people alike met his ears and he found he actually… didn’t mind the noise. How strange. He could feel the cool rough concrete of the windowsill on his palms and he welcomed the cold. Even though the rain had ceased, he felt as though he could almost taste the raindrops on his tongue. The sensation of water… of just something to sustain him… it had been so long.

He kept his head out for a little longer, eyes just scanning the city. From there the people really _did_ look like ants. 

With that thought he pulled himself back in and locked the window. Tightly.

Turning his head, Loki saw the dresser once more. Only slightly curious, he trudged over to it, peering inside each of the drawers. 

There was mostly just clothes inside. Plain ones, most of them green or black. Loki’s mouth quirked upwards. 

He opened the bottom drawer furthest to the left. Instead of clothing, he found a strange tablet like device. Just Midgardian tech, nothing of interest to him.

But his hand brushed over the cool screen and he couldn’t help but feel a slight spike of curiosity.

He felt around the tablet, searching for some way to turn it on. He pushed the largest button on the side and it lit up.

_slide to unlock_

he read the letters at the bottom before doing such. Loki suddenly felt overwhelmed and a bit confused by the frenzy of things that popped up on the screen. 

“Jarvis?” He called, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Yes sir?”

“What is this?”

“A Starkpad sir. An electronic device primarily for entertainment and or organization.”

Loki rolled his eyes at the name, looking back down at the device. He swiped back and forth a couple of times, trying to accumulate a feel for it.

“Interesting…” He murmured, absentmindedly making his way back over to the bed. “Thank you Jarvis.” 

“My pleasure sir.”

xxx

Natasha and Bruce found Clint sitting on one of the window ledges, face almost pressed against the glass as he looked out and into the city. 

The two shared a look before making their way over to the archer. They both sat down on the ledge, remaining silent. 

Tony had always felt the need to build windows that doubled as seating areas. Before the Avengers initiative, the only people visiting really had been businessmen and businesswomen, so the ledges weren’t often used. But the Avengers actually seemed to prefer them over couches. Needless to say, Tony was a bit too enthusiastic when showing Pepper they indeed _were_ a worthy buy. 

Bruce pursed his lips, staring at Clint. The latter turned his head to look at them.

“Hey guys…” He eyed them back and forth. “...What’re you doing?”

The scientist’s eyes widened only slightly, thankfully, Natasha replied for him. 

“What’s going on with you?” She asked, features softened into a concerned frown, one reserved for Clint alone. Bruce’s brows furrowed slightly, he wasn’t aware they were going to be so upfront about it. 

Clint’s eyes flicked back and forth between his two friends. He settled his gaze upon Natasha, and Bruce watched as they had what he could only describe as a non-verbal conversation.

“Nothing, I…” Clint paused, “It’s nothing.” 

The russian spy looked over her friend, looking for his tells. He was biting his lip, only slightly, and he knew better than to avoid eye contact but… there was something in his eyes. 

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.” Bruce stated softly. 

Clint eyed them once more, jaw set, before finally relaxing. He sighed. 

“Something’s just been bugging me for the past couple of days.”

“Does that something happen to begin with an ‘L’?” Bruce asked, only a slight teasing nature in his tone. Clint laughed softly, a small smile displayed upon his lips. 

“Would you believe me if I said no?”

Natasha rolled her eyes endearingly at the two.

“We can get Tony to build a containment unit, you know.” She told the archer, “It could be done within a few weeks.”

A strange melancholy flooded Clint’s features at that.

“No.” He replied stiffly. “I mean uh- It’s fine.”

He looked up at the two.

“It’s fine.”

xxx 

It was only a few days later when Clint walked up to Bruce, that same look in his eyes.

“Not so fine anymore?”

He shook his head.

xxx 

Loki hadn’t left his ‘room’ in days. 

After he had discovered that one could read books on the Starkpad, he hadn’t felt the need to. 

Yes, he may have had a rather biased dislike for humans, but he couldn’t deny that some of them were capable of writing. _Very_ capable of writing.

Stories on Midgard were different than those on Asgard, and after heaving read so many Aesir novels, it was a welcome change. 

Where he grew up, most stories were about warriors. About valiant heroes. Heroes who would slay the wicked mages. The wicked magic users. 

But here, on this planet, magic was worshipped. It was something they couldn’t reach, yet longed for so desperately. Magic was seen and described in so many ways, and each and every one of them was beautiful.

That was what Loki adored about magic. 

Magic was fluid, it was… subjective. It came in every shape and form, every which way. 

Each author, each _human_ , beings who had never even had the privilege of encountering magic, had their own individual concepts, their own ideas of what could be.

Loki couldn’t help but grin when he thought about it. A world where anyone was free to learn magic, where the absolutely beautiful bonds of magic weren’t disregarded, but loved by so many instead. 

The happiness was abruptly and in all honesty, rudely, interrupted by a flooding sense of sadness. An emptiness pooling in his stomach. 

His magic. 

His magic was locked away, and Loki had no idea if he’d ever even get to feel her again. 

He shut off the tablet at once, feeling sick to his stomach. 

Luckily, or unluckily, he didn’t have to think of what to do next. A sudden and firm knocking stirred Loki from his melancholy. 

He rolled his eyes, annoyed with even the thought of conversing with any of the tower’s residents. Still, the petulant nagging of worry ebbed away at the back of his mind.

He stood, only swaying slightly on his feet, and approached the door with what looked like little to no care. With a press of a button, the door slid open, revealing none other than the good captain. 

“Yes?” Loki questioned, and he tried not to sound _too_ annoyed because in reality, he really was too tired to get into a fight. 

Rogers’ features seemed to both soften and widen when he saw the god. The neutral, almost cold expression he had adorned had shifted into… Loki wasn’t quite sure. The captain looked Loki up and down. 

“When’s the last time you ate?” He asked, and for some reason it didn’t sound invasive or demanding. Loki had to stifle a laugh at that. 

“I couldn’t tell you, Captain.” He smiled ruefully. The blond’s frown deepened further. 

“You’ve been here for a week… You haven’t eaten once?” 

“Haven’t left this chamber since the night I arrived.” Loki replied, not sure why the soldier cared so much. 

“... Are you not… Hungry?” He inquired, and once again, Loki had to contain a laugh. Hunger was the least of his problems. 

“I’m not a mortal,” The god told him, “I don’t require as much sustenance as you do.” 

“Did they feed you on Asgard?” 

“Can’t say they did.”

“Did you eat on earth?”

“Can’t say I did.”

“So tell me then, when was the last time you ate?” Steve questioned, and Loki had to think about it. 

“If memory serves me correctly, before Thor’s coronation.” The trickster replied. The captain pursed his lips, brows knitting together.

“And you can survive for that long? Without food?” Rogers asked, and Loki was beginning to feel like he was being interrogated. 

“As I said,” He started, “I don’t require as much sustenance as you.”

“Yeah but Thor eats almost four meals a day, so obviously you guys still get hungry.” Steve said, and it wasn’t a question. Loki almost rolled his eyes endearingly, of course his big brother would still eat like a barbarian on earth. 

“Come with me.” The captain said abruptly. Loki raised a brow. 

“You need to eat.” 

Loki didn’t even try to hide the rolling of his eyes as he followed the captain down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope this fic is better than the last one bc i cant even read the last one w out cringing
> 
> keira sweetie... what were u thinking
> 
> also i'd like to say that i domt claim mcu!clint so 99.9999999% of the clint i write is based off of avengers assemble clint bc comic!clint and AA!clint stay superior :0


	3. hi welcome to c̶h̶i̶l̶i̶'̶s̶ feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki gets angry but what's new :0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is! chapter three! i tried to make this more developed than the old fic, but i still wanted to stay true to its general plot cause that fic is my baby,, despite how horribly written she is i still love her
> 
> hopefully this feels less rushed than round one!

The walk down the hall was silent. Loki shuffled behind the captain nervously.

The kitchen was bright, and Loki couldn’t help but squint. He blinked a few times to adjust to the lights, watching as Steve made his way to the fridge. The Trickster stood a few feet away awkwardly. 

Just as the good captain opened the fridge door, there was the sound of someone clearing their throat. Both Loki and Steve looked over at the doorway. Bruce Banner stood wearily before them, eyes creased not only with age, but with something else as well. He was staring at Steve. 

“Can we talk?” The sentence was almost choked out, and Bruce seemed to be doing everything in his power _Not_ to look at Loki. The god curled his lip distastefully. Steve looked down at the fridge, and then to Loki.

“Can it wait?” The soldier asked.

“It’s urgent.” Bruce shook his head. “ _Urgent_ , urgent.” He urged, body tense. Rogers shared a look with the God as he closed the fridge door.

“Alright…” He looked back at Loki one last time, “Grab something for yourself.” He suggested quickly before both Banner and him left down the hall. 

Loki spun on his heel and walked right back to his room.

***

Steve followed Bruce down the hall, unnerved by the eerie tension surrounding them. Normally, the towers residents were as relaxed around each other as possible, but something felt off as he stepped into the conference room. All the Avengers sat at the table, faces stoic and/or grim. Steve paused in his steps,

“What’s going on?”

***

A few hours passed before there was a knock at his door.

Loki stood tiredly, rolling his eyes, and making his way over to the door. It slid open to reveal none other than Natasha Romanoff. He curled his hands around the cool metal of the door and raised a brow at her. 

“Yes?” He said finally. She looked almost as if she was analysing him, but there was something off about her. She was standing different, less defensive than when they had first met, and though it was a small difference, her brows were drawn slightly closer, as if her mind was racing.

“There are new residents in the tower.” She replied curtly, “We’d appreciate it if you came out and introduced yourself.”

“Me?” He asked skeptically, voice dry and face bored, “The God who failed at enslaving your planet, who controlled your teammate, you’d like me to introduce myself?”

Natasha stared at him for a second, eyes burning with something he couldn’t identify. 

“Why do you keep bringing that up? You don’t exactly seem like the type to mention your failures,” she paused, “no offense.”

Loki’s eye twitched, albeit only slightly. He curled his lip. “My lady, why _don’t_ you continue to bring it up? Be this Asgard the warriors would never miss a chance to boast about their victory.”

“Well… This isn’t Asgard.” she gave him one more look, “I’ll see you later tonight.”

And then she was gone. Loki swallowed thickly, closing the door.

***

Another knock, this one softer and more uncertain. Bruce Banner stood across from him when he opened the door.

“Hey,” He greeted meekly. Loki said nothing, merely watching him, waiting to hear whatever reason he had for being there.

“The new members are here… We’d really like you to, you know, come out and meet them.” The scientist tried to sound inviting, but Loki could tell how anxious he truly was. 

“Ah yes, and you’ll introduce me as your prisoner or as the madman who tried to enslave New York?”

Bruce visibly deflated at the sentence. “Come on, Loki.” He urged, “Just for a little. Just say hi, smile or… stand there I guess, and then come back here.”

Loki stared at him for a few moments, silent. Bruce was acting strange, as had the Widow. He narrowed his eyes. The scientist, like the spy, was more relaxed around him, but it was much more noticeable. The way he spoke was different as well. He suddenly… wasn’t treating Loki like a threat.

“We just want them to see you.” Banner reasoned. 

Loki grit his teeth, trying his all not to let his agitation show. 

“Fine.” 

He closed the door without another word.

***

There were six new people. 

Why? He had absolutely no idea.

Loki stood by the window, watching as everyone conversed, taking in the new faces. 

There were two people a few feet away from him, children, from the look of it. The boy had short brown hair and the girl bore a striking resemblance to a man at the bar. Said man was dressed in a suit, but as he spoke to a bearded man with a cape, he looked rather at peace. Also at the bar, was Stark and another new person. He seemed awfully comfortable with Tony, even going as far as to hit him, earning laughter from both sides. By the couch stood Rogers and a man with a metal arm, interesting enough for a mortal, he supposed. 

The captain made eye contact with him and waved him over. Loki pursed his lips, contemplating ignoring the invitation. With a very discreet sigh, he made his way towards the two. 

“Loki!” Steve said, oddly cheerfully, “This is Bucky, my friend from the war.” He introduced, gesturing to the man with the metal arm, who grinned at the God. Loki felt the question on his tongue, wondering just how that was even possible without being frozen, but found he couldn’t care enough to actually ask it. His head ached horribly, the brightness and loudness not helping. He could almost _see_ his heartbeat, vision blurring with every beat. 

Loki shook hands with the man, doing his best to smile. Really, he just wanted to go back to his quarters. He had no idea why they felt the need to introduce their prisoner in the first place. 

It suddenly registered in the back of his mind that he had already broken one of their many rules. He had skipped close to every single meal they’d had since he arrived. The god wondered if he’d be witnessing their so called ‘punishment’ they had first threatened him with any time soon. 

Shaking himself from his thoughts, he noticed something. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

“Captain,” He started, grabbing Steve’s attention. The blonde looked up. “May I have a word?” He asked tentatively, waiting for the man’s approval before he lead them out of the room.

The talking was muffled from in the hall, but still, they decided to round the corner. It was almost completely silent there. 

“What’s going on?” Loki asked plainly, not one to make small talk. Rogers looked confused at the question. 

“What?”

Loki sighed. “I’m not stupid, dear captain, I know the looks I’ve been receiving. They’re the same looks Asgardians gave me when it was announced Thor was becoming King and not I. Those ‘Oh the poor soul, however will he manage?’, looks, but I can not, _for the life of me_ , understand why you and your comrades, of all people, would be giving me that look.” He had to take a second to compose himself after that, not realizing just how worked up he had gotten. A part of him knew he couldn’t help it, though. Never, in all his years, had he been able to deal with people’s pity. It made him feel like an insolent whelp, a child to be looked down upon. He despised pity. 

“You pity me captain, ever since…” The god paused, only now realizing something. He stopped, narrowing his eyes at Steve. “Ever since Banner said he needed to speak with you…”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Steve stood awkwardly while millions of questions and possibilities raced around Loki’s mind. 

Finally, Loki managed to speak again. “Just what happened during that ‘talk’, Captain…?” 

Steve took a deep breath, staring into Loki’s eyes. He didn’t know how to respond to that. He swallowed thickly.

“You can’t lie, right?”

Loki opened his mouth to reply, because _that was an absolutely absurd question to ask when they were quite obviously discussing something else how dare he-_

“Correct.” Loki clamped his mouth shut forcefully, glaring at the captain with as much malice as he could muster. He absolutely loathed being binded by Odin’s spell. At least Rogers had the decency to look slightly apologetic, but it didn’t seem like he had any intention of simply stopping with just that question.

“So then I only have to ask you this once,” Steve said, and Loki could feel the horror settling in his stomach, because staying silent wasn’t an option when binded by magic. He had to answer and he had to answer truthfully. 

“Were you fully in control when you attacked New York?”

And Loki could _feel_ the answer on his tongue. He had to say it, he _needed_ to say it. _yes yes yes yes yes yes ye-_

“No.” 

And that was all it took. There was a deafening silence, so bad that Loki could hear the conversations around the corner in the lounge. He didn’t know what to do. He’d never been presented with a problem quite like the one he was in, and _norns be damned, if Steve Rogers didn’t stop looking at him like he was a wounded animal by the count of three-_

They looked each other in the eyes, silence becoming suffocating. With one nod, Steve Rogers turned around, signalling the end of the conversation. Loki felt rage bubbling in his veins, circulating all around his entire body. 

“ _Stop.”_ He commanded, and it almost came out in a growl. Steve froze, midstep, but didn’t turn around. Loki could feel his hands shaking. 

“You do _not_ have the right to do that.” He hissed furiously, “You cannot ask me something like that, _force_ me into telling you, and then walk away. You do not get to walk away without explaining to me how someone as mind-numbingly stupid as you and your teammates came to a conclusion that could lead to that question. Even then, my answer came _after_ you began treating me differently. Your disgustingly sentimental pitying glances are completely unjustified and without reason. There’s simply no way you could just come to the conclusion that-”

Loki cut himself off abruptly. Steve turned around slowly. 

“Of course…” The god muttered, and he felt like both crying and laughing simultaneously. “ _Of course._ ”

Loki looked Steve in the eyes once more. “Barton,” He hissed. “You and Stark said he was acting strange, but being the fool I was I didn’t even think twice of such a thing. I simply figured he was angry with seeing me once more, but no. No no no… It was more than that, wasn’t it Captain?” 

Steve said nothing, letting Loki continue his fury-fueled rant.

“Of course it had to be more than that…” The trickster paused, glaring at the blonde man before him.

“Just what did he tell you?” He growled, hands shaking even harder then. Steve had the _audacity_ to look saddened by Loki’s outburst. The god felt like his heart might just stop beating he was so enraged. 

“Loki,” The captain started, “Loki you’re shaking. Just calm down-”

“Calm down?” The god repeated, “I will not _calm down_. Barton went and said one thing, something that most likely wasn’t even true, and you _Avengers_ , you mortals with your superhero complexes felt the need to drop in. Don’t think I didn’t notice how even the children pitied me.” He hissed, “This was never your place to intrude, never your place to intervene. Just because you enjoy fixing things that are broken, because you enjoy looking like knights in shining armour, doesn’t mean I need your pity! I don’t need those looks and I certainly don’t need you looking at me like I’m going to physically combust at any moment! You had no right to-”

“Loki that’s _enough_!”

Tendrils of silver magic were visible for only moments as Loki’s mouth snapped shut. A storm of rage brewed in his eyes. Steve’s jaw clenched angrily. He grit his teeth. 

“You want to know what Barton said? Fine. Have it your way.” He said, and just from the tone of his voice Loki immediately knew he did not _want it his way_. “You were controlling Clint, so you could see into his mind, you already know that, I know, but what you _don’t know_ , is that he could see right back into yours.”

Loki felt his heart stop.

“Yeah, that mind link thing, it went both ways. So while you could see everything inside of his head,”

“He could do the same with mine,” Loki finished, and it came out as a haunted whisper. Steve nodded, anger dissipating quickly as he saw the horrified look on the Jotun’s face. 

“You were tortured Loki.” The captain said, voice much softer that time, “You were forced into invading New York… and I don’t know why you’d want to keep that a secret but… you don’t have to. I don’t know if Asgard has some twisted vendetta against people who’ve been tortured, but earth doesn’t. You don’t have to pretend to be that guy who attacked earth, not if you didn’t want to do it.”

Loki couldn’t even bring himself to answer. His hands were _still_ shaking. Every part of his mind was screaming _No._ How could he have been weak enough to let himself be caught? How could he have been foolish enough for them to find out? He knew he was disgusting for giving into _Him_ , but the last thing he needed was a towerful of people reminding him. 

He barely registered the sob that broke through his throat. He couldn’t even try to contain the tears falling down his face. Everything was clouding up and he could barely breathe. 

The last thing he saw before he fell was the Captain’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nah bye i was suddenly hit by all this inspo to write again so lets all hope it never leaves
> 
> thank u guys for reading i deadass appreciate all of you so much like,,, i can't believe anyone actually likes the shit i write u guys mean sO much to me perhaps i'm gonna go cry


	4. UPDATE YALL IM NOT DEAD I SWEAR

okay omg it’s been so long w/out a word omg i’m so sorry y’all 🥺🥺

trigger warning i’m pretty sure oops:

one suicide attempt later and i am back!!!! my life has been like 😐😐😐 lately but like?? hopefully i’m stable enough and have enough energy to write again lmao 

my ED anxiety depression ptsd and abusive father 🤝 keeping me from writing new chapters 

BYENFJ seriously tho i swear i Am Writing and i am Very Sorry for leaving y’all hanging none of my fics are dead i promise i’ll try updating them as soon as possible 

i love y’all 🥺🤲

SORRY IF MY JOKES ARE ANNOYINGN I USE HUMOUR AS A COPING MECHANISM


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